could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
