you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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