Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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