Fine. I'll sleep in my office
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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