I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
