do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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