R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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