it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
