man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
