Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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