false alarm. still invincible.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
