i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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