u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
