I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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