Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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