If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
