my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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