Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
