How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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