he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize