awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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