you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
