never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
