I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
