he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
