when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Actions speak louder than pants.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
