pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
