I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
