dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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