You're my little dorito
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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