So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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