My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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