I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm at about main and main street
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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