i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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