like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
