im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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