2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
