this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
