Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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