So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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