Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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