so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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