i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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