I'm passing your future prison.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
