CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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