I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
