I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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