He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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