I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
