Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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