You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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