so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
