i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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