Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
