just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
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Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.