Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.