The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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