Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.