9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
