in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
