girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
